You can last longer in bed with methods like pelvic floor exercises, edging, the squeeze technique, more foreplay, desensitizing condoms or creams, and, when needed, prescription medication from a doctor. Premature ejaculation is common. Healthline cites estimates that it affects 30% to 75% of people with penises, depending on how it is defined. Most cases can be managed.
Before trying any technique, it helps to know what normal looks like. Many men measure themselves against porn, locker room talk and stereotypes rather than real data, and that pressure can make the problem worse.
How long does sex usually last?
Less time than most people think. A study of more than 500 couples across five countries found the average time to orgasm during intercourse was 5.4 minutes, according to Simple Online Pharmacy. Medical News Today puts the typical range at 5 to 7 minutes. The International Society for Sexual Medicine says ejaculating within about one minute of penetration may meet the definition of premature ejaculation. The American Urological Association defines it more simply as finishing sooner than you or your partner want.
Here is the part most guides skip. Medical News Today cites a 2020 study finding that women in heterosexual relationships needed about 13.41 minutes on average to reach orgasm from intercourse. In a U.S. survey of more than 1,000 women, only 18.4% said intercourse alone was enough. Lasting longer helps, but pleasure involves much more than the stopwatch.
What are the best ways to last longer in bed?
- Talk to your partner. Couples who talk openly about sex tend to report better sex, and bringing up premature ejaculation can ease the anxiety that often makes it worse.
- Do Kegel exercises. Tighten the muscle you use to stop the flow of urine, hold it, then release. Healthline suggests working up to holds of 10 seconds, three sets of 10 a day.
- Try edging. Bring yourself close to climax, stop until the urge fades, then start again. Over time you learn your own signals.
- Use the squeeze technique. When you are close, pause and firmly squeeze just below the head of the penis for 10 to 20 seconds until the urge passes.
- Spend more time on foreplay. Oral sex, touch and toys can satisfy a partner without the pressure of penetration lasting a set amount of time.
- Masturbate a few hours before sex. It can lower built-up tension. Doing it only minutes before may make it harder to get an erection.
- Watch your arousal level. Sex therapist Amanda Holmberg advises against starting penetration when you are already near your peak, and recommends staying present instead of trying to distract yourself.
- Switch positions. Positions where your partner controls the rhythm, such as your partner on top, can reduce stimulation.
- Try desensitizing products. Benzocaine wipes, numbing creams or desensitizing condoms reduce sensitivity. Wipe off any cream before contact so your partner does not feel numb too.
- Take care of your body. Medical News Today notes that obesity, smoking, heavy drinking and stress can all affect sexual function.
- Ask a doctor about medication. The American Urological Association lists certain antidepressants called SSRIs, along with other prescription options and numbing products, as first-line treatments. These require a doctor’s guidance because of possible side effects.
Why do Black men feel extra pressure in bed?
Stereotypes play a role. A University of the West of England study of Black heterosexual men in London found that racist sexual stereotypes left participants feeling fetishized and pressured to meet expectations about sex. The same study found that past experiences of institutional racism created distrust of sexual health services, but the men’s actual visits were mostly positive and helped ease that distrust.
Pressure feeds anxiety, and anxiety is one of the most common causes of premature ejaculation. Letting go of the myth is part of the treatment.
When should you see a doctor?
See a doctor if premature ejaculation is causing stress, affecting your relationship or making you avoid intimacy. It can sometimes be linked to hormone problems or erectile dysfunction. A urologist, a primary care doctor or a sex therapist can help, and seeking help is nothing to be ashamed of.
